Blog-fiction: The voyage of an Intergalactic Space Pirate: Introduction

Have you ever thought that the Galaxy and its inhabitants are disinteresting? Have you ever imagined them to be boring creatures that remind us all of the dregs of society? Have you decided that there are many more important things you could be doing [e.g: bathing the household pet] than reading this? You couldn't be more right. The galaxy is a very empty, boring place.
But, if we look deeper into the heart of the universe, you might find that intergalactic creatures are actually quite... weird.
Prepare to begin the journey into the realms of the unknown. With interesting and unusual creatures like the Galgazzer, the most intelligent organism in the universe, that die at age 17 because of the expansion and swelling of the brain leading to an external haemorrhage. [A large explosion and an unsightly gooey mess.] Not to mention beings like the Beanthroppers of Planet Gurglegob, banned from all intergalactic public ballots because of a tendency to devour competing politicians. If this dosen't make your eyes widen with a mixture of bewilderement and the sad fact that the only other thing you could do in the proceeding part of your thrilling life is bathe the household pet, then I am uncertain what will.
So, for those that want to stay, prepare to embark on a tour into the hidden realms of the galaxy. With all the gooey bits left in...